Well, the responses I’ve gotten from my previous post, whether through comments or personal email, have been quite varied and interesting.

I didn’t intend with that post to make anyone look bad, myself included. First off, I didn’t write that post because Jeremy is trying to make me give up one of my friends. He’s not the bad guy in this. I just wrote it because I found what he said interesting and felt like exploring it further.

While I believe marriage is a partnership requiring give and take, I don’t believe when you get married that your spouse should become the center of your world. Maybe more like you are both two planets revolving around a sun (your marriage), each of you with your own gravitational pull and your own things in your orbit but everything within your sun’s orbit are the things you share. I don’t know if that analogy works for you, but it kinda makes sense to me.

What I mean is, I don’t believe when you marry someone you suddenly have to share everything; your thoughts, friends, hobbies, etc., with that person. My parents don’t. My mother and father each have their own friends and interests, but there are also friends and interests they share. This has worked for them for nearly 24 years.

I also don’t believe that your spouse should ask you to give up something if he or she knows how important it is to you. All that leads to is anger and resentment and then what kind of marriage do you have? I mean, if you love someone that much, why would you want to hurt him by taking away something that is clearly so important to him. What would be your reason? Does it make you feel powerful to have forced your will on that person? Does it make you feel good to hurt that person? Is it just about control?

Is it worth it to hurt someone you are supposed to love just so you can satisfy whatever need you have?

I’m not saying you should never ask your spouse to give up something. Jeremy and I have both given up things for each other. But if you know something is so important to your spouse that to give it up would cause them pain, why not try to find a way to live with it. I’m sure your spouse does the same for you.