False friends
Posted by Gypsy on Apr 30, 2006
Ok, so I know I said I wouldn’t talk about the divorce as much anymore, but there’s something that’s been really bothering me the last couple weeks and I want to get it off my chest.
I realize during a divorce, it seems like friends get split up almost like children. He takes his friends and family and she takes hers. When the topic of the divorce was brought up, I made mention of this to a few people that I’d become close to because of him, including a couple members of his family. Everyone said the same thing: that they didn’t want to be in the middle, they would always think of me as family, would always be my friend.
Well, of all those people, only one has stayed my friend. It wasn’t the person I expected it to be, but I will say it was a pleasant surprise because this person got me through a lot of hard times over the last 9 months and has still been here for me through all this. The person I thought would still be my friend, who kept saying they (yes, it’s the pronoun game) didn’t want to get in the middle and didn’t have loyalty either way because they had known both Jeremy and I almost the same amount of time, has been completely gone from my life.
On the one hand, I say good riddance. I have never had the need in my life for fair-weather friends. But on the other hand, my prevailing feeling is sadness, because I thought this person was a friend, a real friend. I thought of them as family and feel betrayed.
I think what it boils down to is the part that upsets me most and this is it: my friends and family don’t see this divorce as anyone’s fault, especially among those who know Jeremy. They realize that neither of us was probably ready for the kind of commitment a marriage requires. They know the things I’ve done and they know the things he’s done and they don’t sit and pass judgement. Maybe I’m being unreasonable, but I am truly hurt that certain people that I thought cared about me, who said they cared about me, and most importantly who I care about, can eliminate me from their lives so easily. As if I didn’t feel rejected enough by Jeremy, I feel rejected by people I considered family.
This post isn’t meant to bad mouth anyone, I want that made clear because some people have misconstrued things I’ve said in the past, I just wanted to talk about how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m a girl, that’s what we do.
Pink
Posted by Gypsy on Apr 30, 2006
A few months ago, I flew to Ohio to see Jeremy’s family. On the way back from Ohio, one of my bags got picked up by someone else, because it seems most luggage looks alike. And by alike, I mean black with wheels and a pull handle.
Since then, I’ve been wanting to get a more unique set of luggage. I found a cute pink set that I begged Jeremy to buy me for months, but he constantly refused. Well today, I was at Bed, Bath and Beyond buying stuff for the apartment (pics to be posted tomorrow), when I came across this:
And it was on sale for $99. Since Jeremy was with me and I already have luggage, he offered to buy the pink luggage for me and take the black set I already had, which was fine with me. Now there is no excuse why anyone should accidentally pick up my bag. Well, unless they went to Bed, Bath and Beyond, too.
Not quite settled
Posted by Gypsy on Apr 29, 2006
I moved into my new apartment today. I’m really not sure how I feel about it at the moment, but I’m want to keep this positive because I really am digging my new place. Now that all my furniture is moved in and all my stuff, I have a better feel for the place. My bedroom is smaller here than at my old place, but it’s still big enough for my king size bed and dressers. The living room is bigger, and I’m loving that. Though it’s in dire need of some artwork and decor. I’m off to Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond tomorrow to buy some stuff to make it pretty. The kitchen is WAY smaller, but perfect for me.
At this point, the only things that are wrong with the place can and will be remedied tomorrow. Mainly the fact that all I have in the fridge is beer, water and Diet Pepsi and the only food I have are 5 granola bars and a pack of gum. I didn’t have time to grocery shop today, so it will have to do until tomorrow.
I’ve gotten a lot of my stuff unpacked. I realized I need a bookcase, so I need buy one before I can completely finish unpacking. The place looks great, except I need to vacuum. But as it’s almost midnight, it will have to wait until tomorrow. I have Jeremy’s camera at the moment and will post photos once I’m all settled in. But for now, I’m off to bed. My body is so sore from moving and I’m tired as hell.
New outlook on life
Posted by Gypsy on Apr 27, 2006
I’ve decided that I’m sick of wallowing in self-pity and being all depressed. I’m sick of fighting for a marriage when the other person doesn’t give a shit anymore. And most of all, I’m sick of fighting to keep a man who not only doesn’t want me anymore, but has already moved on. So I’m done with it. I honestly don’t know why I kept being like this for this long. I mean, yes, it’s because I love him, but as soon as it became clear that he didn’t care anymore, I shoud’ve just let it be. I can be a little hard headed, but I’ve got it now.
I move out on Saturday and that’s a great thing. I’ve already pulled out the money I’m going to need when I sign the lease Saturday morning. I’ve taken tomorrow off of work to pack and I got together a bunch of friends to help with the move. The utilities have all been turned on, except for the cable, which I’m going to have to call about. I’m going to hit up Walmart tomorrow for a few things I need right away and then maybe Sunday or next weekend I’m going to head to Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond to get a bunch of other things. I don’t want this place to be as bare as the old apartment was. And I feel like decorating.
So the point of this is to say be prepared for a more positive me on this blog. And if I start getting negative and maudlin, feel free to smack me upside the head.
