So graceful
Posted by Gypsy on Apr 20, 2006
Three posts in one day is a total record for me, but I had to share a funny story about my total inability to be graceful.
So this morning I was scheduled to go to the rifle range to qualify (I ended up not shooting, but that’s another story). I had to be at the armory at 5 a.m. to draw my M16, which meant waking up at 3:30 a.m. to get there in time. Waking up that early really wasn’t too big a deal as I crashed on the couch around 8:30 last night, waking up at 9:30 so Jeremy and I could go to bed. So I got a decent nights sleep.
Well, I’m waiting at the armory for it to open up when I realize I left my Kevlar in the car, about 100 yards away on the complete other side of the parking lot. Since I only had about 5 minutes to get there and back, I figured I’d run over there, no big deal. Of course, the common sense portion of my brain was turned off as usual, otherwise I would’ve thought about the fact that it was pitch dark out and there are no lights in that particular lot. There are also 2 of those cement parking pylons randomly situated at the end of one row.
So there I am, sprinting across the parking lot and thinking to myself that I need to be careful, those pylons are coming up soon. Well, I had that thought a few seconds too late because as that thought is forming itself I go flying over one of the pylons, landing about 3 feet past it, skidding across the black top like I’m on a slip-and-slide, all my weight landing on my left hand and right elbow / forearm. Luckily I was wearing my brown sweatshirt under my BDU top, so there was padding for my arms, but I still ended up with a nice burn on my right arm near my elbow. That wasn’t so bad, but unfortunately, a couple people saw me and came running over to see if I was ok. Now, I usually like being the center of attention, but not so much when it’s for making an ass out of myself. Good thing I have a sense of humor and could laugh it off. I’m just disappointed someone couldn’t get it on video. I’m sure it was quite the sight.
I passed my weigh-in!!!
Posted by Gypsy on Apr 20, 2006
In all the drama of the last couple weeks, I haven’t really had the desire to talk about much else. But there are other things in my life beyond my divorce.
Earlier this week I had a weigh-in. I hate those things. The Army has the most ridiculous weight standards to begin with and they weigh us in front of everyone, calling out your weight to the recorder. Like I want my whole unit to know how fat I am. Since I moved to Fort Irwin a year and a half ago, I’ve have to get tape tested, which measures your body fat percentage. I’ve been consistently over my 137 pound max weight by more than a couple pounds. Like about 8 more. What’s saved me is I’ve always been about a percent below the 32% body fat I’m allowed, which has saved me from the “fat camp” program.
Well anyway, that changed this week with my weigh-in. Somehow in the last 8 months I’ve gotten down to 133 pounds. I can’t say that’s been the healthiest of weight losses, but at least I’m skinnier and look great.
Apartment found
Posted by Gypsy on Apr 20, 2006
With the divorce comes the need for a new place to live. I can’t afford to live in the one Jeremy and I are currently living in, either financially or emotionally.
The problem with finding a new place is that most complexes run credit reports and I have horrible credit. The place we are living now only ran it to check on prior rental history, so I was able to get the apartment. The place I want to move into runs it for everything and so I was denied. They did give me two options, though. The first option is to find a cosigner. Unfortunately, there is no one here willing to cosign for me. So the second option is to come up with 6 month’s rent right off the bat. Jeremy has been kind enough to offer to help me with the money for this, which I am truly grateful for. So search over, new apartment found and I can move in by the first.
I can’t say I’m super-excited about this because it makes things seem to final, but at least maybe I can start moving on with my life. And the apartment is perfect for one person. The bedroom is big enough for my king size bed and the living room is huge. No more balcony, but I guess I can survive as I didn’t use the one we have very often. I’ll post pictures once I get the keys and move in.
Regret
Posted by Gypsy on Apr 19, 2006
If I’ve portrayed Jeremy as the bad guy on here, I want it known that wasn’t my intention. If he were a bad guy, I wouldn’t be trying so hard to make things work. I understand that he doesn’t trust me. I understand that he doesn’t think that I can change and that I want to make this work more than anything. But just because I understand doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I would do anything to make this work and I do realize I didn’t try hard enough in the past. It’s something I will always regret because I’m losing a really great guy who I truly love over it.
I know I’ve been selfish throughout our marriage, again something I will forever regret. I should’ve thought more about him, I should’ve respected him more, I should’ve cared more what he thought about things. These are things that have been on a constant loop in my head for the last couple weeks. If I could change it all, I would. If I could make him believe that I truly have changed and would change anything to stay with him, to work things out, I would.
But I can’t. No matter how much I’ve tried, he doesn’t want to take that risk again. And I understand that. How can he believe that it will be different this time when it hasn’t in the past? All I have are promises and words and he doesn’t believe them anymore. I just have to learn to live with that and with my regrets.
