Towards the end of my workday, something happened that really upset me. I don’t really want to talk about most of it, because I’m over it, but one part kinda still bugs me. Jeremy told me today he will never fully forgive me for certain things and that because of that there is no way we will ever get back together again.

I’ve really been thinking about the concept of forgiveness lately due to a thread on a message board I post on. I’m a very forgiving person. I just don’t have it in me to hold a grudge. Even the people who have betrayed me to a point where I won’t speak to them again are still forgiven. Or maybe not consciously forgiven, but I just kinda forget about them. I don’t like to waste my time with people who are only out to hurt me. Jeremy not forgiving me bothered me for a little while today. But I do understand his feelings. And I’ve decided to just let it go. I’ve done everything I can to show I’m sorry, I can’t force him to forgive me. I’ve come to be ok with that and I’ll tell you why in a minute.

As for him telling me that we’ll never be together again, at first it bothered me as well. Even though I’ve known for awhile that it’s over and am fine with that, it just seemed to final. But then I got to thinking about it and I realized I don’t love him like that anymore and we are just awful together. We bring out the absolute worst in each other. And the thing is, I’ve made a lot of changes in the last few months to show him I can be a better person. If he can’t see that and trust that it can continue, it’s his loss. At this point it isn’t even about him anymore. I’m happy with most of the changes I’ve made and that’s why I’ll continue to be the new and improved me. Not for anyone else.

The reality is I’m a better person now. Somewhere down the road, some guy is going to end up a very lucky man because of that. Jeremy may not be able to forgive me and may not want to be with me anymore, but I’m ok with that. I’m more than ok with that. Because I love who I am now and someone else will love who I am, too. Of course, I’m not ready to be in love again, but a date would be nice. (And as a side note, I DO NOT need to be hooked up with your friend, brother, father, uncle, etc. I am capable of finding my own dates).