I need help
Posted by Gypsy on Jun 21, 2006
Note: This post isn’t meant to be insulting or hurtful to anyone or make anyone come off in a bad light. I just know some people have been worried lately and I’d rather get it off my chest like this instead of talking about it to everyone individually.
I’ve decided to go on Prozac. Between the stress of the divorce, being so broke right now I can barely afford to eat, not getting any sleep and drastically losing weight, I’ve decided I need help. The fact is I’ve always been an anxious person who tends to worry and stress a lot. On top of that, both depression and addiction run in my family. I’ve been very careful about my alcohol intake over the last couple months, but I can’t help feeling sad sometimes or getting panic attacks like I have been lately. I’ve always been very stubborn and very proud. I’ve never been the type to ask for help and I never thought I would be the type to resort to medication to get through a tough time. But I haven’t been able to snap myself out of it, so I finally went to the doctor and am getting help through this tough time.
The thing is, through most of this whole ordeal, I’ve been leaning on the same person I’ve been leaning on for the last three years: Jeremy. Well, Jeremy is now dating someone new and has made it clear this is something I need to “get over,” that he doesn’t care about my feelings and he won’t be putting his life on hold for me. That’s fine. It’s completely his perogative if that’s how he wants to be. In fact, I’m more than fine with it as over the past couple months, moreso the last couple weeks, I’ve discovered he’s not the man I thought he was.
At this point I need to start taking care of myself. In the last two months, I’ve lost more than 20 pounds because of the stress. I hardly ever sleep because I’m constantly worried or upset about things. Just like being in a bad marriage is not a way to live life, neither is the way I’ve been living it since becoming single. I’ve been so busy worrying about money, dealing with my loneliness and feeling rejected that I’ve forgotten why we are getting divorced in the first place (the primary one being neither of us trusts the other). I keep mistaking my fear of being alone, my fear of the unknown, with desire to have him back. I don’t know when I became so scared and dependent, but that’s not me and I’m done being that person.
So, I went to the doctor today and she put me on Prozac. She’s also made me realize that needed help is nothing to be ashamed off. Sometimes people need a little help to get through tough times. And though she said it would take about a week for it to start really being effective and I haven’t even taken one yet, I already feel a lot better because I’m doing something solely for myself for once. I’m done being worried about what other people are doing or what they think and I’m just going to focus on myself for the moment and what makes me happy.
Oh, and the first thing I’m going to focus on that makes me happy: A friend of mine that I met back in May is coming to town in a couple weeks. I’ve been looking forward to seeing him again since I met him while he was in L.A. on business. This time I don’t think he’ll be as busy with work, which means I’ll get to spend more time with him. Beyond that, a bunch of friends will be in town next month for the Comicon, Cori will be in town in August and in September I’m heading home to see the family and tossing in a girl’s trip to Toronto with Cori and Mandy while I’m over there. Life is definitely looking up for me.
Hey sweetie, you know that anytime you need anything, you have my number. We are family and I am always here for you for ANYTHING… don’t be afraid to ask, you have always been there for me, and I will always be there for you. I’m here for you hun… you know that. Love ya…Jack
“…I’m just going to focus on myself for the moment and what makes me happy.”
Ha! This is a change from what?
“Ha! This is a change from what?”
Which goes to show how little you’ve paid attention to my actions or what I’ve said over the last two months.
Hey, found you on viewaskew, liked your posts so followed to here. Like your site. been reading back posts and its pretty understandable that you’re feeling shit right now. Nothing wrong with prozac if it helps you sleep and function.
Taking care of yourself is a great plan. clearly you’ve never met me and know nothing about me, but if you want to chat to someone who you don’t even know, you’ve got my email.
Sending support. Know what its like to need help.
Christina,
Hey it’s me (Mr Brant) from the VA board. Just wanted to let you know that you’ve got friends supporting you in these tough times. There is nothing wrong with using Prozac to help get yourself back to a good place again. One of my best friends was a complete mess without it and taking it allowed her to be functional again. Being a self sufficient human being doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself. Part of it is knowing when you need help and being able to admit it. I am glad to hear you have taken that step and are feeling a bit better. I went through some pretty bad times before life turned around for me and brought me to where I am now. Feel free to e-mail, myspace or inbox me on the board if you want a sympathetic ear.
Christina,
Sorry to hear you’re having to deal with some hard times (I know what that is like). What got me through tough times was to immerse myself in a hobby or go workout.
Beat the stuffings out of a punching bag, pop in a good movie with some friends, and help others versus allowing yourself to get hurt.
I know that’s probably easier than it sounds but you don’t strike me as a person who goes down easy.
I don’t think you have any problems to worry about because strong people like yourself get up swinging when life deals a harsh blow.
If all else fails, come to Georgia and party with us kick ass 3ID folk.
R.B.
By the way, Jeremy, why don’t you let Christina vent some steam because obviously she needs to.
Over analyze her comments all you like but it ain’t helping anyone and just leaves you two going at each others’ jugular afterwards, which will only esculate things.
“Ha! This is a change from what?”
You know what Jeremy??
Fuck that.
You must have no idea about who your ex-wife actually is. She has sat wth me countless nights helping me get through issues of my own. While she was going through the torture you put her through, she sat and listened to what I was dealing with first. She has been so concerned with how people like YOU feel, rather than her own health.
Maybe you are being snide because you’re jealous. Jealous of the fact that she will move on from you to a better and more successful life, while you are going to be left with nothing but unhappiness after you leave the Marine Corps. She has an entire wonderful life ahead of her when all you have is bitterness and a useless existance.
I’ve met so many Marines like you, being one myself at a time, and you are all the same. You’re nothing but a jealous bastard who cannot be happy unless someone else is unhappy.
Christina–this is a time for you. You have been through too much right now to be able to handle it all on your own. I love you, please call me when you need me–not matter the time or day. You are a cherished friend that I cannot see life without.
I cannot wait until we hit the east coast together. Whether we hit TO or go to NYC we will have a blast. Call me all the time so I know how you are, and so we can talk about whatever you want.
I second the prozac issue. I have been on it for years and I feel no shame in it. It’s a chemical issue in your body you need to get in balance. Would you shame a diabetic for needing insulin? Grow strong from within and no one can take your strength from you.
With Love,
Molly