It seems like when it rains it pours and, as usual, the Devil is at the center of it all. And by Devil I mean the Army.

My first announcement is something I’ve been putting off writing about for a long time. I’ve been in quite the state of denial but at this point it’s going to happen whether I like it or not (and believe me, I don’t). It looks like within the next six weeks I’ll no longer be in sunny Southern California and instead in Bush country. That’s right, I’m moving to the Republican wasteland that is Texas. More specifically, I’m moving to Fort Hood.

The Army seems to have the worst timing when it comes to moving soldiers. This one couldn’t come at a more shitty time. First off, I’m finally in a decent relationship with a great guy. And with my lack of faith in long distance relationships, everyone can take a guess what’s going to happen when I move. On top of that, I really need to take leave to go home (more on that in a minute) but with the move, it’s highly doubtful I’ll be able to go when I need to. Plus I have to go through the hell of making new friends and adjusting to a new place only to be leaving there in less than 18 months (because that’s all I have left in the Army and there is no way in hell I’m staying in Texas after I get out). The worst part is I’ve finally made it to a place where I’m happy with my life only to have all that torn away. It really pisses me off.

I have been trying to look at the positives, though. One being that I’ve become very dissatisfied with the Army over the last year. This is unusual for me as I’ve always loved being in the Army and took a certain pride in it. But some of the people I’ve had to deal with, along with some events in my personal life, have really left me unhappy in the Army. Maybe I can get some of that motivation and pride back. And I will be getting away from some of the people I can’t stand here. And while I’ve spent the last couple months making a lot of happy memories here, there are a lot of bad ones, too. Though I still feel the negatives outweigh the positives at the moment.

……….

The next thing, and the reason it’s so important I be able to take leave and go home, is that by Thanksgiving, my little brother, Jack, will be in Iraq. It’s a year-long deployment, though he said it might only be six months. But with the way the Army looks, it will probably end up to be more than a year. The Army sure does like to fuck people like that.

I’m having mixed feelings about this. First off, he’s married. His wife is stationed in Monteray at the moment going to language school (she’s in the Army, too, and fresh out of basic training). We all see what a deployment did to my marriage and I only pray they are strong enough to make it through. I hate faith in them, but it’s going to be a long, hard year for them and most 21-year-olds just don’t have the intestinal fortitude to survive something like that. But I’m rooting for them.

The other thing is I hate the idea of my baby brother going to Iraq when I still haven’t gone. If it were up to me, I’d go instead of him. But that’s just my big sister instinct to protect him, even though I know he can handle himself. At the very least, I wish I could go with him. But even if I could, it really wouldn’t be fair to our family. The next year is going to be stressful enough for my parents and sister with just him in Iraq. I wouldn’t want to put them through the added stress of me being there as well. I’m sure my parents could handle it. They are both former military. But my sister is only 15 and very attached to the two of us. So part of me hopes I won’t deploy at all in the next year. It’s a double-edged sword.

……….

I had to go speak to the career counselor this week. He is the guy who works to get people to reenlist in the Army. With 18 months left on my contract, my reenlistment window just opened and he wanted to tell me my options and see what my plan is. He really gave me no incentive to reenlist, though. There are no bonuses available for my rank and job, so the only things I am being offered is choice of station or the option to change my job.

The problem with this is choice of station will get me nowhere. I’m definitely going to Fort Hood and would have to spend at least two years there to be allowed to move somewhere else. So while in theory I could get choice of station, the reality is I wouldn’t actually get it. The other option, to change my job, isn’t a bad option, but the grass is always greener on the other side and while there are jobs that seem like they would be enjoyable, there are downsides to everything.

The reality is I’ve been 95% positive I’m getting out of the Army when my time is up. I’m sick of not having total control of my life and sick of the bullshit. One good thing about going to Fort Hood is maybe I’ll get my love of the Army back, because right now I have no positive feelings. And even though my reenlistment options are shit right now, they may be better in six months or a year. So I might as well wait until I get to Fort Hood and keep looking at what the incentives are. At this point I still plan to get out, but I’m still not completely positive of what I want to do, so I could be swayed. It’s one of those times when I’m just going to have to wait and see.