I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the last three years of my life and how things have changed for me. Had Jeremy and I stayed together, today we would be celebrating our third anniversary. Even more importantly, it would’ve been the first one we were actually together for, since for our first one we were living in different areas of the country and for the second we weren’t even on the same continent. Instead, it is spent with us on opposite ends of the same town, me spending the day with my boyfriend and Jeremy doing whatever.

Someone once said to me that I probably couldn’t wait until my divorce was final because I could just forget the last four years and what she called the biggest mistake of my life. But I don’t think I made a mistake. A bad decision, maybe. A mistake, definitely not.

I’ve always made it a point to live life without regrets and in nearly 25 years I’ve never done something I’ve truly regretted. I’ve done things that may not have been nice, I’ve done things that I probably shouldn’t have, but I’ve never done something I regret. I’ve always believed that as long as you learn something from everything you do, there is no reason to regret it. It’s only when you don’t learn something, even the tiniest thing, that you should have regrets.

The reality is life is but a series of events. It’s what we take away from each event that makes us who we are. If even one event from my life hadn’t happened or had turned out differently, I’d be different. And I’m happy with who I am. I’m not perfect, I’ve messed up, I’ve done things that have hurt people I care about, I’ve done things that hurt people who didn’t deserve it. But I’ve learned from those things. I’ve changed because of them. And while I might not be able to fix the bad things I’ve done in the past, I can make sure I don’t do them in the future.

So do I regret my marriage or think it was a mistake? Nope. Do I regret the bad things I’ve done? No. Do I wish I could’ve been a better person, a better wife? Sure do. There have been times when I haven’t liked who I am, but I’ve learned from the things I did to make myself feel that way. I’m a better person for it. And I love who I am now because of it. Sure, this sounds selfish and like I don’t care about the people I’ve hurt in the past. That’s not true. I do care. But I can’t change the past and I know enough to accept that, to not waste time worrying about it and to even embrace it. Because if you can’t accept and admit your past, you’ll never have a better future. And I plan to have a better future.