Lately in my philosophy class, we’ve been having a discussion about the egocentric predicament. The egocentric predicament is the inability to perceive reality outside our own perceptions. In other words, our inability to see the world as others do. An important point that was brought up in our discussions is that to break free of this predicament, to rise above it, takes the conscious act of trying to see the world through someone else’s eyes. It’s not just going to happen, it requires a person to want to see what someone else is seeing. When talking about emotion, we would call this empathy.

I mention this because I just lost my best friend due to what I feel is his unwillingness to do just that. What it boils down to is we have been arguing about the same thing for weeks now. I asked him to do something for me as a friend, he said he would, he did it anyway, then didn’t understand why I was hurt by his actions. I tried explaining how I felt multiple times, but either he didn’t listen to me or just didn’t care. I figure it’s the latter.

Now, I’m the first to admit people make mistakes. I’ve made more than I wish to admit in my life, but I do my best to learn from them and not repeat them. Sometimes it takes a few tries for me to get it, but I’m stubborn as hell that way. But no matter what happens, I always feel bad when I hurt someone because I know how it feels when someone hurts me. I apologize if I can and I don’t expect forgiveness. But if I am forgiven, I don’t expect to have my actions constantly thrown back in my face. That’s not forgiveness, that’s claiming you forgive the act when you really don’t. To break it down into a definition, according to Mirriam Webster’s dictionary, to forgive means (1) to give up resentment of or claim to requital for and (2) to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).

On my end, I tend to be a very forgiving person. Like I said, people make mistakes. But when I’m forgiving the same action time and again, then you have to wonder if that person is really sorry or just playing you for a fool. Shame me once, fool on you, shame me twice, fool on me. Well I guess I was the fool in this case because I let it happen twice. A fool for believing this friend really cared about our friendship or me as much as claimed.

So I ended the friendship. I deserve better than that from the people I call my friends, especially those who are my best friends, regardless of what others may think. Life isn’t always easy or wonderful, but the people you surround yourself with can make the bad times bearable and the good times that much sweeter or they can make everything seem like a pile of shit. It’s all about who you choose those people to be. I’ll stick with the ones who can make every moment of life better.